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I should make my messages personal, advises Hoffman: “Comment on something in his profile and follow with a question.” Dutifully, I tell one bespectacled prospect, “I like melty ice cream, too. What’s your favorite flavor?” I have some interesting chats, but nothing leads anywhere. After a lengthy back-and-forth with a cute guy who asks why I’m still single (beats me!), I try a Hoffman move, writing, “That’s a story better told over a drink.” He suggests… chicken fingers. As in fast food? Is this a sex thing I don’t know about?

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“You can follow every standard online dating tip and still end up dating someone you later regret or miss out on someone incredible if you don’t listen to your gut. While it can seem a bit ‘woo,’ research shows that our intuition is not only accurate, but also rooted in brain chemistry. It’s easy to talk ourselves out of listening to that inner voice, but trust it, even if you’re not sure why a potential date seems iffy or like a heck yes. If you slow down enough to hone in on your instincts while getting to know a person, you won’t rush into something unideal because of those lusty, punch-drunk chemicals. You might also give someone you wouldn’t have expected to go for a chance and end up extremely grateful that you did.” —August McLaughlin, author of “Girl Boner”.

Ignore most of the person’s explicit claims about his or her personality — for example, “I have a sense of humor about myself” or “I’m an optimist.” People are very unreliable self-reporters. People are very unreliable self-reporters. That’s not just because they lie (although that’s a possibility, too), but because the way we see ourselves often bears little relation to how others see us. And only external events provoke our negative reactions, right? (We humans are expert self-justifiers.) It means nothing. The only explicit claims worth taking at face value are factual — job, age, education and location. When it comes to less tangible qualities, people are just too biased.

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