Divorce is a very hard situation and nobody should get through it alone. Do you need divorce advices? Find a community of support. “I don’t mean a self-help group. Rather, find 1 or 2 friends who you can talk to about your feelings, and who will check in on you. DO NOT talk to married people. They won’t understand what you’re going through and will unintentionally make you feel worse. Also, stay away from judgmental people. Formerly divorced friends were my best supporters during this time.”
You will need to stay organized and set your priorities during a divorce. List all the items you have to accomplish and mark them off as you go through them. A divorce produces a lot of paperwork. The simplest way to keep track of all these papers is with a three-ring binder and a three-hole punch. Put papers in chronological order and make an index. You may prefer to set up individual files for various categories of divorce papers. Some examples are correspondence with your attorney, drafts of agreements, financial information, and pleadings. Files with brads and a two-hole punch will help you keep papers neat and organized.
The best advice for divorcing parents I’ve received and share with my clients is: Be sure that you love your kids more than you may hate your ex! Otherwise, you will make decisions based on anger, resentment, revenge, hurt, or retaliation. And that ultimately affects the well-being of your children. Kids love both parents and are hurt, confused and torn when parents ask them to take sides, become confidants, messengers, or spies. What I learned is that children not put in this position do better during and after the divorce. They are not exposed to parental conflict and they adapt better to post-divorce life. The advice I have for all divorcing parents is to be a role model for your children. Show them how to cope with challenges and adversity with dignity, maturity, and integrity. Teach them to pick their battles and learn to let go of anger and resentment. Your kids will thank you in the long run.
This is a very bad idea for two reasons. First, except in extremely egregious cases, most courts won’t punish your spouse financially for being a bad person. Second, hiring an attorney to punish your spouse will cost you because your attorney will need to increase the number of hours spent on your case. Increased attorney hours means higher divorce costs, and higher divorce costs means there will be fewer assets and cash left for you and your family. Try to take the emotion out of your divorce, and treat your case as a business arrangement. The best revenge is to live well after the divorce is over.
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